Saturday, December 6, 2008

my 101st post! and more Very Special News

1. My Sis and Todd-in-law bought me my own domain name so that my blog will look more professional. Why does it need to look more professional?

2. Because as of Saturday, December 13th, I am a newspaper columnist! You can find my column every Saturday in the Augusta Gazette.

So change your bookmarks to this: See you there!

Friday, December 5, 2008

all I want for Christmas...

edit: I TOTALLY DID NOT WRITE THIS. I thought I had put that disclaimer on here but I forgot, and then this posted before I remembered to do it and then you guys saw it and Angie and Jessica gave me credit...Anyway, thanks for thinking I could have written this, but it wasn't me! I'd love to be this hilarious.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor has, and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
  • I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
  • I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
  • If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
  • On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
  • I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
  • If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
  • If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
  • It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Christmas is coming

Tuesday night my friend commented on a message board that Christmas Eve was three weeks from Wednesday. I kind of panicked because I do not have one Christmas project fully completed. A lot of gifts are planned in my brain but they are not in my hands or in my home. So I went to bed making a list and panicking.

Wednesday morning while G was at preschool I planned on Little Missy watching "Sleeping Beauty" while I finished the Christmas cards. The same Christmas cards I started a week and a half before Thanksgiving, the Christmas cards I told my friend Jessi I had begun early as a smidgen of smug crossed my face, the Christmas cards that have not been touched for weeks. So I put in "Sleeping Beauty," played with Little Missy and then let her sit on my lap while we both watched the movie.

After preschool I tried again. I drove the kids to McDonald's, bought us lunch so I could save time in not making food and directly starting on the cards. And I put them in front of the TV. SO HELP ME, you will SIT and watch a movie and not bother me while I am making the cards to send to our friends and family to tell them how much we love them and how happy and perfect we are. But of course they didn't leave me alone. They sat in the dining room and talked to me and played on the floor while I finished the cards. But I finished them. And I can cross off one item from my list.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

more potty talk

Little Missy is very nearly potty-trained! Hubby and I are so excited to stop paying for diapers. And we're proud of our little girl being a big girl, of course.

About six weeks ago Little Missy was lying on the floor as I changed her diaper. She looks up at me and says "I want to go potty in the toilet."

"You do??"

"Mm!" She nodded, all wide-eyed and positive.

So after we picked up G from preschool the three of us headed to Wal-Mart where she picked out her own undies (Tinkerbell and princesses) and G picked out some additional ones for himself (Batman, I think). We came home, Little Missy sat on the toilet, I sat on the floor in front of her and G sat on my lap. And we sat there for 20 minutes. Finally she peed! And G and I clapped and stood on our feet and told her what a big girl she was. She nodded, all wide-eyed and positive and quietly happy for herself. And she put on her first pair of undies. Every 15 minutes I would take her to the potty to try again. She would happily sit on the toilet for 15 minutes each time, get up having not peed in the toilet, and promptly pee in the kitchen or the hallway. The next morning the same thing. So I put away the undies and brought back the diapers.

Last week, on Thanksgiving, she told her Daddy and me that she wanted to wear undies. John Rosemond says that when your child is ready you have to jump on it or else she might not be ready again for a long time. So Hubby and I let her wear undies to her Auntie's house. Where she peed on the floor shortly after arriving. Thanks for understanding, Sis and Todd-in-Law! And the diapers came out once again.

Monday morning, after her bath, she told me she wanted to potty on the toilet. I took her in and SHE DID! Promptly. She finally understands the idea of holding it and releasing it at the appropriate time. She's had a few accidents, but a few accidents in three days compared to lots of doing it correctly in the same time period, I consider the process nearly finished.

So my advice for potty training is to wait and wait and wait until your child has given up on you and is practically walking into the bathroom, pulling down their diaper and sitting on the toilet with a "Yeah,-I've-got-this,-Mom" look. With G, I looked at him one day and realized "Holy cow! You are going to be THREE IN A MONTH!" So I took him out, bought him undies, M&M's for a reward, and told him that he was no longer wearing diapers. He only had one accident. I'm telling you, sometimes my procrastination pays off. It certainly made potty-training easy.